hear me

you will never meet Yah 

face to face

until you meet Him 

in the secret place

the sacred space

of your inner being

where two become one 

the kingdom starts inside

the energy of your existence

powered ultimately by Him

and given 

as LIFE unto you

you may do your own choosing

you may call it "free-will"

because

it sounds better 

than responsibility

you may choose 

to enter 

into the garden enclosed

the choice always 

is always yours.

and

if you don't know 

what I'm speaking of, 

no fear

we all 

have much to learn

shalom 

gray areas

nothing is totally black and white
look closer at zebra
she'll sing the same song
in the color of her
you'll be seeing

things, people, reality
all are complex
breathing spirit
morphing at will

unaware so often
of their freedom
their Gift
the ultimate offering from
A LORD unto a lamb.

this thing is living
LIFE
it's a ride and we're on it
with way more control than
they'd like us to know

we can change the channel
we can change the world
we don't have to buy their bullshit
anymore

don't and do's

dizzy only seems today

like shes lost her dollar at the dollar store

because she exists in another place

in a different Way

this physical existence

originally designed for pleasure

before corruption entered in

with an adversary, a serpent and sin

satan’s leading of the veering began

confusion, babylon

we’re here now

but the carnal plane is decaying rapidly

as we die we go forward

where we can’t see

some hanging on to hopelessness, arrogance, or worse;

but some go forth on promises,

an urgency

that just makes sense

what are we doing with our time

are we wasting it on the flesh?

carnal, cancers, winter is coming

and fear’s constant plea

please Yah help us do this right

help us unite

head, body, limb, hand

before we’re out of time

You’re plan

it is done

Halleluyah!

You give us peace

in the midst of even this

shalom.

even if it hurts shine the Light

It's me
who so often hinders
the flow of relationships in my life.
I know this.
I want to change this.
I usually feel helpless.
But I'm not.
Helpless ever.
I choose this.
Whatever it is
How I see it
Creates the perception
How I see it
And without wisdom,
Only darkness.
When I cannot
I bid you shine the Light.

worthy

God I'm a hypocrite.
I want people to trust me.
But I don't trust You.
Not fully anyway.
The proofs in the pudding
When I make my own way.

Regardless of me,
Worthy is the Lamb that was slain.

Shalom.

It breaks my heart more than it makes me angry

if it's still here in the morning
it'll be a miracle
when this runs down,
once this tape's played out
we will surely know where we each stand
Sure you think we do
But till then who are you to curse?
Who are you to curse?

Come home.
Please come home
Family. We are. It's true.
To our heart where we're connected
Body soul mind all

Got my cookies tossed
a couple a times
Met a bunch a blurry folk
who danced a lot a different stuff
Some to avoid the elephants in their life
Others played a tune like they fed on strife
The conflict made them glad
But when they recognized it
It made them sad
Endless cycles. Void of happiness.
Why would anyone
choose this?

The ultimate guess what
Someone had been using them all along
But not the one they suspected
his name they didn't know yet
We never knew quite what to expect
So somehow we started expecting
everything to turn into shit
Then
I realized I never let go myself
I agonized, stressed and medicated.
Acted. Like a child lashing out..
Letting experience show..
just how far the boundaries may go.........

Will you be there when I fail ?

It's not fair. I know. The pressure.
To perform to my expectations
But the delusion fits
It makes more and more sense
We're beaten down
Lost all our ground
A child cries out
Falling from the nest
Not knowing
How to fly.
Yah is there all the time
His cradle like nothing my tongue could describe

And all I can do
Is hope
You get it too.

life changing codes to live by.

1. Pray about everything.
2. Stay calm.
3. Don't argue with people.
4. Think the best about people instead of assuming the worst.
5. Forgive every offense.
6. Pay attention to the people who cross your path. Listen to people, make eye contact. Try to communicate and be objective and non-judgmental. Those People, those souls are the only thing you see right now that might still be there in the next life. They are more important than any thing, insecurities or busy-ness that binds you.
7. Remember to SHARE the gifts bestowed upon you.
8. Take time to meditate.. reflect on your recent choices. Shine the Light.
9.  Walk in gratitude.. Rejoice in all things.

devotionals with Yah. +2

we opened this morning, called in babylon august 10, 2016, 6:15am, to:

"i confess to you that after the Way that they call a lie, so i worship the MightyOne of my fathers, believing all things which are written in the torah-law and in the prophets.  and they had a hope in our MightyOne, which in their testimony reveals, that there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and the unjust."  (acts 24:14-15)

what struck me first upon reading these two verses was the part about the resurrection. the resurrection is a pretty big deal; it's one of the defining characteristics of the bible, the claim which sets it apart from all other sanctimonious and so-called-religions. the idea that the dead will ALL be raised from their present slumber, and be sorted like a flock of four-legged grazers into a saved and lost lot. 

in this season i have been walking next to someone going through the valley of the shadow of death, in the darkness of a cloud filled with thoughts of suicide.

this place is so dark, there is nothing real here to grab onto.. except Yah.

The problem with suicide is the carrot it dangles, the idea that it's way is some kind of escape from this life's torment.  the verse in acts is sobering because it reveals clearly, in no uncertain terms, that the speaker stands on the claim of resurrection as an idea not his own, but a rock of truth taught in the ancient records.  This is a huge mountain of defense.  There is no escape in suicide.  You will wake back up in time, and once again face what you didn't want to today.  Only then you will face it in the Presence of the Light made visible, which will lay you bare and un-hidden.

what hits me like a wrecking ball is the realization that it's not going to be what people did wrong that brings so much condemnation and shame when they face the Judge, and their live's books are brought forth and opened up in heaven's courts.  It's not going to be the way they fornicated, the drugs they did, the acts of selfishness, the insecure roots of their guilty baggage.. it's going to be what they missed out on while they stumbled around blind and hurting themselves and others, refusing to come unto their Creator for a healing balm and restoration.  It'll be the future they could have had in the Kingdom, the Kingdom where they had a safe place to escape, the Kingdom they finally see they are going to be missing out on; the torment will come of that reality.  That the treasure they threw away for the dung of this world is gone forever.  And how simple a change in heart, a simple turning back to the Source, would have rendered the sad story of their soul a different ending.

This final revelation of Truth will be agonizing, but they will recognize it and bow the knee to the One who loved them all along and wanted them and died for them, but they refused His ticket home, His Way to life; they refused to get on the Ark of salvation and now the door has closed.  Forever.

Shalom.

devotionals with Yah. +1

morning, on a day known in babylon as tuesday, august 9, 2016.
 
We fell into Matthew 21:28-32 just by flipping the Book open.

"But what do you think about this? A man with two sons told the older boy, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’The son answered,‘No, I wont go, but later he changed his mind and went anyway. Then the father told the other son,‘You go,’and he said,‘Yes, sir, I will.’ But he didn't go. "Which of the two obeyed his father?”

They replied, “The first.^"

Then Jesus explained his meaning: “I tell you the truth, corrupt tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the Kingdom of God before you do. For John the Baptist came and showed you the right way to live, but you didn’t believe him, while tax collectors and prostitutes did. And even when you saw this happening, you refused to believe him and repent of your sins."  Matthew 21:28-32

The minister went to two men and said come to Jesus and serve Him by serving others.  The first man said, "Nah, i'm good" and went back to his mindless daily grind, the vomit of the world, his partying and wasted time.  Unfulfilled, One day the man was inspired to reach out and start helping people who crossed his path, and slowly day by day finally poured his life out walking in the way of peace and love, in service to others.

Where the second man told the minister, "Yes sir, i accept Jesus into my heart. i'm a sinner dressed up in my church's clothes who said the sinners prayer so now i'm saved."  Then He went about with cherry picked verses, throwing stones of judgement at the homosexual, the drug addict,  and the atheist with lofty words, growing cold in his pew at sunday "service" where he has a lengthy, documented church-membership.  But he turned his back on the poor, he stayed in his sphere of comfort and reached out to no struggling soul who crossed his path day in and day out.

Which of the two did the will of Abba, the Great Spirit Father?

The one who sat in church thinking they were saved but did literally nothing for others. Or the good samaritan, the one who rejected the church clothes but lived a life of service following the leading of the Ruach daily in his interactions with the world, talking to people about the Yah who woke him from his slumber and released him from bondage.  The Messiah said to the Pharisees (the mainstream church members), the whores and the addicts are going into the kingdom before you.

shalom. 

apologies chapter 1.

Fifth grade with kirkbride.
Kris L.
He asked her who pissed in her Cheerios.
She got him sent to the principle's office.
She was such a hypersensitive donkey.
She's sorry now about it Kris.
Shalom.

climb out

like the chosen ones
born into exile
drinking this bottle of water i bought
because i can't draw my own
i haven't got a well,
or a stream, or a white picket fence

but i started at what i thought
was the bottom

until i learned the hard way
that there's a button there
and if you push it
the bottom always drops down
always it goes deeper still
no rocks to land on
just a gaping black hole

i stood
looking up from the depths
of a wayward descending spiral
reflecting on all the buttons i pushed
in awe to discover
next to each and every one
was a ladder i missed

and from every rung
just over my head
was a Hand reaching down
trying to help me climb out

the warrior theme

why do we love movies/stories with warriors?
because there is an epic battle taking place.
here. today. right now, this very moment.
and it's not far off in the distance,
it's in your heart and mind,
in the deepest seat of your soul,
where only one can reign..
light or darkness.

image credit: unknown

today (a prayer)

i want to be Yah's cheerleader
i want to always be there
ready
willing to do, say, pray..
anything
He asks me to

feeling the burn. literally.

The pot holder was damp.
Like a wet hand had previously touched it. 

This was a problem
that didn't register in my mind until it was too late.

When it then registered with resounding alarms and explosive fireworks
inside my head as my finger sent emergency signals rapidly to my brain.

My finger was being burned through the pot holder.
My finger felt it, and my brain knew it almost as soon as my finger did.
(Maybe sooner since it was my brain charged with interpreting the situation. #mindblown)

But the cast-iron pan, which had been roasting in the oven, was already fighting gravity, held by the handle in my hand, in limbo over the stone floor in the space between the oven and the nearby stove, where i had intended to set it down.

Synapses fired like lightening.

It was a chemical and electrical execution of information almost transcending time,
but not.

The initial reaction, in many a painful instance, is to disconnect from (or drop, in my case) the source of injury.

In the heat of the moment the nerve messengers of finger yelled, "ABORT! ABORT!".. like a frantic army commander seeing those in his care seemingly doomed by the mission being undertaken.

i didn't, however, abort and drop the pan, i just quickly continued moving it to the stove (which wasn't far).

i didn't need to work out what happened, i had already realized the reason for the dilemma - but this realization led me to something else.. As i reflected on it, i had a revelation of how profound and amazing our brains actually are, even in their weakened state this side of Eden.

Somehow i recognized consciously (too late) the pad's patches of dampness without having to think about it or examine the pad later to determine it.. leading me to believe i must have on a subconscious level recognized this fact when i initially grabbed it, where it was registered as information in the brain, that the brain was able to slam with utter clarity into my consciousness the second i realized i was being burned.

During the brief chaos the question in my indignant mind was, "WHY AM I BEING BURNED LIKE THIS, I'M USING THE NECESSARY PROTECTION OF A POT HOLDER!?", and
without any delay the answer was already there, "THE POT HOLDER IS WET!"

The screaming synapses didn't actually use words, and they didn't really scream either.. The communication went forth in wordless electrical signals, that i put into words here, for the sake of communicating the experience. The realm of the mind uses words certainly, but words are limiting and often clumsy in attempting to box in or nail down something larger than themselves.

While i examine what happened, i see my brain had understood what was happening to the finger, and while concerned took into consideration other variables and calculated the best course of action was not to drop the pan from it's height of more than three feet above the floor, but to hang on, move a bit farther and place it down on the stove.  Dropping it would have created a number of new potential issues, even further possible injury due to the pan holding hot oil; and not to mention cast-iron pans are quite heavy. Yes, it was better for the brain to conclude that despite the finger's current torment, it wouldn't really be changed much or lengthened by even a second to go forward and release the pan on the stove instead of the floor. The finger was already burned and that couldn't be undone, but containment of the situation meant not dropping the pan. My grip remained steady and i managed to place the pan safely down (though there might have been a slight slamming as it encountered the stove- not the most delicate operation, admittedly).

In a fraction of a second my brain had analyzed the situation and determined the appropriate response, though it all happened so quickly i really didn't think about it in the conscious sense, call it instinct, but in hindsight i'm grateful for the way it worked out. That i didn't drop it.

The mind-brain connection is funny.  Funny strange..  

Even when i began making notes to write about this i was searching in my mental vocabulary for the word "abort". i knew the word i was looking for to express the thought, but couldn't locate it right away.  i remember the word "overt" coming to mind, and thinking, "no, that's not the word i'm looking for."  As i continued combing my brain to find the desired word in it's files.. i actually wrote on a notepad, "military sounding word for turning back..."  It wasn't until i gave up for the moment and left the mental search alone, trusting it would come either to mind or from an internet search, that a few minutes later it was suddenly there, "abort".. YES! That was it; my brain/mind had finally located the word i was seeking.

Yah has created this amazing biological machine of wonder we call flesh, that works without the mind/consciousness (thankfully) in certain capacities, though it may not always work as we would like it too in others.  

The brain can subconsciously calculate in fractions of a second, nearer it seems to instantaneous speed, things the conscious mind would need much longer to work out.

Halleluyah. 

The body with it's brain is really an impossibly indescribable gift we've been given by the Creator.  And we have the conscious-mind to be aware of it, and of Him.

i'm in awe.

O the possibilities with full regeneration in Yah, in the resurrection to complete shalom wholeness. What will be possible when minds and bodies function fully at ultimate capacity? 
It is mind-blowing.

We are the ghosts in the machines.  This beautiful amazing flesh machine built by Abba-Yah that the spirit-man dwells in.  Far superior than any computer man could build because data being processed in our brains can take into consideration things of the spirit.  Praises be to Yah for this amazing thing we call LIFE.


Shalom.

in place of the madness

i looked into the soul of a most despicable king
he was a horror
i could find not one single redeeming quality
and for a moment
i wanted him dead
but death is not something to be wished for
in time death comes inevitably
the righteous prayer would be for life
to yearn for his redemption
that beautiful innocence
would be
in place of the madness

Patterns, Rituals, Ruts and Prayer.

Patterns are not bad in and of themselves. The term is too general to be so black and white, good or bad.
  
Patterns are everywhere in nature around us.  The growth of a healthy baby in the womb follows a pattern, a blue-print if you will, designed by Yah to form a man. 

However, some patterns can be inhibiting and limiting; a stifling of further potential, becoming a road where one gets stuck in the mud and goes no farther, until they are set free.
i heard a man once say something like, 

"A habit becomes a groove, and a groove becomes a rut, and and rut becomes a grave."

You could call some of these kinds of patterns: rituals. 

Some are seemingly mundane and might not be recognized as rituals by people who have a loftier, more biased, definition of the word "ritual".  But i'm speaking of actions, patterns in life that are done robotic and nearly, if not completely mindlessly.

The ritual could be waking up and heading straight for a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Checking email/facebook/instagram like clockwork.  Pouring the wine or grabbing a beer after getting home from work. Watching TV. Going through the motions just because, in any aspect of our day, without any real conscious intention, or worse as a mental/emotional/physical escape from the sense and whispering of the new/unknown.
   
Even prayer can become a ritual.  i know.  i got into the habit and for literally years, and jumped to my knees instantly when getting out of bed, and before getting into bed too, and at various times throughout the day.  Don't misunderstand me, please, prayer is not bad.  Praying at all times is good, specifically prayer earnest and fervent and offered not under a sense of obligation.  

But for me, what started out as an honest attempt to diligently do this, morphed into a ritual. A ritual some might look at and even praise under misunderstanding, though i hope no one does.  Prayer is about real connection, not chanting words we think the Father wants to hear, or listing off the people in our lives.. i know about lists too.. i at one point had a list multiple pages long, with multiple columns on each side of each page; filled with the names of people -people from my past, people from my present, people i didn't even know but came in contact with through some form of media-- it took me so long to go through that list of names on my knees everyday that i would end up numb in the legs, it was literally pins and needles painful for those seconds that felt like minutes as the blood returned to my lowest limbs.  i'm not bragging.  This was just my reality at the time. And this was a daily session for many months, it went on so long i literally had streams of names memorized together through mere repetition of the ever growing recitation.  It got to the point i would (maybe more often than i can even yet see or admit) dread it, and try to get it over with sooner in the day so i could feel the relief when it was over.  Because i felt guilty if i didn't do it.  Like i was failing Yah, being selfish, and failing those people; as if my ritual was so great and desired by Him! Ha! 

Of course i also felt good things while doing my ritual, i did desire to pray for people, and felt seriously that it was the only meager offering i had i give.  If you are truly led into it by the holy Spirit, i believe there is nothing wrong with even straight HOURS spent in uninterrupted seriously SINCERE prayer, and if you haven't done it lately i definitely recommend hitting your knees, even if to say nothing at all but to surrender.  When done right there is an amazing serenity and stabilizing peace to be found.  My experience is not a judgement on others; it is just my experience.. i even think i was sincere some of the time.  But in truth, and in the hindsight with which i now see more clearly, it was a ritual, i ritual i somehow put fleshly power and esteem in and subsequently became trapped in.  

It was almost like going through some kind of emotional detox, or recovery exiting out of this ritual.  Guilt, grief, feeling unworthy, and a bad "christian"; all the enemy's words and shame tried to keep me trapped in this and various other rituals and spiritually unhealthy patterns i found myself in.  

i'd rather spend one minute in true fervent prayer over even just one single other who has come to mind in that moment then half an hour reciting a list.  

What patterns/rituals are you held captive by?

Shalom.

thought process

i like to anaylze and observe the thoughts that enter my mind.

sometimes i waste time wondering if a particular unrighteous thought was really of me? was it the devil?

the epiphany:

if i already know a line of thought clearly wasn't of Yah.. then bam..

it doesn't really matter where it came from. i can reject it and move on.

#notwastingtime

the big short, 2015 film

Chasing the carrot.

Isn't it the point of playing the game to win?  In the game Monopoly one sometimes spent essentially all their money - investment capital ;P - to put up hotels on property in hopes someone else would lose theirs by landing on it before the ruse was up, and for all the apparent wealth of property, they themselves were found without the funds to cover the cost arising from progressing some spaces further across the board.  It was a gamble, a wager, and a pathetic hope.  It may have paid off, but for what end?  The goal was to win. 

Isn't the point of playing the housing market game to win?  Yes one may lose their soul playing the game (Mark 8:36) but leaving the spiritual realm aside for a moment (not that it isn't relevant and important, but) for the purpose of objectively digging for a deeper understanding than simply scratching the surface, finding filth and disregarding it just because it's judged unclean, thereby missing some lesson from it's rearing it's ugly head. 

By learn something i don't mean how to play the game, or chase the carrot.  i don't even know what i'm really chasing after here, i just feel compelled there is something here to dig for; so i'm digging.

“And our Lord praised the evil steward, because he acted wisely, for “The children of this world in this their generation are wiser than the children of light.” Luke 16:8.

The people coming for the loans were chasing the proverbial carrot.  The people writing the loans were chasing the same carrot.  The people selling and buying the loans were chasing the carrot.  A few guys saw the implosion coming and made their move accordingly.  Were they cheating the game, or playing it?  The game itself is inherently flawed, a false paradigm.  Does it make any individual evil just because he played the game (wisely?) to his own advantage?  Maybe. 

Maybe they were like the jackass “real estate” brokers portrayed in the film, who were allowed, possibly even encouraged, by those above them to market “real estate” to greedy pretenders, attracted to “buying” homes they couldn’t afford like moths to a flame.  Maybe the moron-moths thought they could “flip it",  or refinance before their ruse was up; maybe some believed that since they worked hard they“deserved” the big impractical home of their dreams. 

tangent: how funny is the term “real estate”?!!; real in what sense!?; in that it’s real physical dwellings on real dirt? because it’s definitely not real in the sense of REALLY obtaining it, for the contracted slave it is marketed to.

Maybe all the players were caught in a net they couldn't see, because they were blind.  Oblivious the game is an illusion, a pipe dream, a man-made construct doomed to failure.  They just hoped they'd win.  Are the blind evil for their blunder?.. Maybe. 

They were all just playing the game, chase the carrot.  Were they taught it?  All i know is that they chose it. 

Note: The monopoly board game example at the start, with, within it's own world of tangible money and property, doesn't accurately depict the far more complex banking and mortgage house of cards man has built. 

Another note: Is the game bad?  ..That isn't the point..

Shalom.